želim da potonem u tebe
zaboravljajući
da držim glavu iznad vode
na milimetar od davljenja
da se ne obazirem na predosećaje
da utonem pravo u prazninu
da se predam
da nas talasi potope
duboko
bezobzirno
da nas svežu morskom travom
dok nam morska voda peče oči
nagriza pluća
uništava nam kosti
lomljive kao školjke
da isplivamo na obalu
zaneseni,
sunčevi zraci
na tvom obrazu,
pocepana haljina vuče se
po vlažnom pesku
*
bila sam devojčica
što nežno leprša u
leptirova jutra
na krilima veličanstvenim
daleko od zubatog sunca
pevala himne
sa lakoćom kovitlala
nad poljem ljubičica
u kore mudrih stabala
let paperjastih silueta
pozdravljao me
na mom putu
nevinom kao zora
nežno lepršajući kroz
leptirova jutra.
*
više me ne uhodiš
sa očima od sladića
zamenila sam ih bademima, pistaćima
tvoje reči pregažene su
jačom vojskom
i još jednim lažnim obećanjem
i još jednim
i još jednim
više mi ne trebaš
da bih više volela sebe
zamenila sam te sasvim dobro
duplo gorim paklom
i ta tvoja magija, o, nisi ti jedina čin
jedini žongler srcima
jedino muahahaha
dakle, čuo si me,
ne uhodiš me više
našla sam duplo veći bezdan
duplo goru liticu
troduplo petoduplo
znam da te nije briga da li sam preživela
ali dođavola, živa sam
i više ne objavljujem ratove
više ne čekam pred zatvorenim vratima
više ne drhtim na podu
i mogu čak da izgovorim tvoje ime,
da, mogu da izgovorim tvoje ime,
bez jeze što se uspinje uz kičmu
bez stalne katastrofe u glavi
i ako se ikada vratiš
samo ću povući obarač
*
Biografija:
Jillian Marleen Becker ima 30 godina i živi u severnoj Nemačkoj. Odrasla je u dvojezičnoj porodici, majka joj je Nemica, a otac Amerikanac. Rano je počela da piše poeziju, u početku na nemačkom, a sada većim delom na engleskom jeziku. Uživa da piše na oba jezika, kao i u formi tekstova za muziku. Voli da peva, te u poslednje vreme razmišlja i o snimanju muzike. Velika ljubav joj je i (analogna) fotografija.
Prevela Božana Radenković
i wish i could drown
in you
forget about
holding my head above water
just inches from sinking
anyway
i wish i could skip
the apprehension
dive right into the void
surrender
i wish the waves would pull us under
deeply
ruthlessly
tie our limbs together
with seaweed and saltwater
burning in our eyes
our lungs corroding
liquidating
our bones
brittle as seashells
we gathered at the shore
raptured, testified
treasures
sunrise sucking
at your cheek
torn dress, tumbling
across wet sand.
*
I was the girl
gently breezing through
butterfly mornings
on wings magnificent
against the stark sun
I sung my hymns
with ease I twirled
upon fields of daisies
to the bark of wise trees
the soaring of
feathered silhouettes
cheering me on my journey
pure as dew
gently breezing through
butterfly mornings.
*
You no longer haunt me
licorice eyes
you were replaced
by almonds & pistachios
your words stomped
to the ground
by another army
another false
promise and another
and another
I no longer need you
to smother the love for myself
I replaced you quite well
with a twice as hot hell
And your magic, oh well
you’re not the only spell
the only player of hearts
the only muahahahaha
So you’ve heard me
you no longer haunt me
I’ve found an abyss even deeper
I’ve found a hill even steeper
or two or three or five
I know you don’t care if I survived
but damn it, I’m alive
and I no longer rage a war
and I no longer wait on closing doors
and I no longer quiver on my floor
hyperventilating or resenting
and I can even say your name
yes, I can even say your name
without shivers in my spine
without a circuit break in my mind
and if ever you come back to linger
all I’ll do is pull the trigger
*
Bio
My name is Jillian Marleen Becker. I’m 30 years old and live in northern Germany. I grew up bilingually, as the child of a German mother and an American father. I started writing poetry at an early age, mainly in German at first and now mostly in English. I enjoy writing in both languages, also in the form of lyrics I create for other peoples’ songs. I also love to sing, and more recently I’ve been feeling the urge to make music of my own. Another great passion of mine is (analog) photography.
